A Message to Michelle Duggar, from A Mom with Littles

Michelle Duggar is the mom who lives in a shoe and has so many children who has 20 kids now I believe. She birthed all of them (none adopted) and she has a reality show. From what I understand, the proceeds from the show go to charity. Her and her husband are completely debt-free and that's how they are able to afford the things they have. THIS IS WHAT I'VE HEARD. Anyway, they are raising fabulous children. The ones that are adults are really good people, and that's what matters. All of us who have children are in the business of creating adults and she's doing a fantastic job!

But Dear Michelle Duggar, I don't want to hear anymore on how to raise 20 kids! Or 10 kids! Or even 5 kids! I'm sure you have your difficult days, but I want to know how you raised your oldest 3 when the oldest was a preschooler. I want to know how you did it when you had no sibling helpers. When you didn't quite have a decent chore plan in place. When they were just learning to obey. When your house was a complete disaster and you tried to homeschool your reluctant kindergartener while cleaning up toddler potty taining woes and holding a flailing baby on your hip cause you don't know what's wrong with her!

Some days I want to go tell all the parenting books, blogs, and columnists to go jump in a lions den. Today started as one of those days.

Time change. Well, we all must deal with it. It doesn't bother me. My kids don't get it, and they are early risers anyway. I know this. I roll with it. This morning was grand. They woke up at 5am new time. I was up at 4:30am new time because I did, in fact, forget about DST when I set my alarm. I had my quiet time and got what I needed to get done before they woke up, so all was good. I even decided to sit and watch a Sunday morning movie with them. Mostly I "get crap done" when the tv is on.

Baby woke up early. Even for her. That's where the fun really began. She woke up fussy, snotty, hungry, and indecisive. She wanted mommy to hold her and let her down all at the same time. We snuggled for a bit more of the movie when I noticed the sun was coming up. We rearranged the chickens and their coops last night, so it was important we get out there first thing or the roosters would have a giant brawl. Think Anchorman news team brawl.

Problem, I have a hip baby. I'm 99% positive she will want down if I walk outside. She's got pj's on still, and the others aren't dressed either. And there's poop. And she likes to put the little raisinettes from our goats in her mouth and squish the gifts from the chickens. Bleh.

I blow it off. Mr. Smash will be up soon and he'll run out there and take care of it.

My plan was to make biscuits this morning. It is nearly impossible to make biscuits from scratch with 1 hand. Especially when the other 2  hands that have been added have decided they want to grab everything. So, forget breakfast. I'm gonna go play with my kids. <--- Experienced moms tell you to do that ya know.

I'm always in the kitchen, so I figured I was going to listen to what these mom-encouraging bloggers and speakers say. I'm sitting in the playroom playing. It lasted about 5 minutes when I smell something. A3 has let out a tinkle in her britches which is becoming quite common for her. I now stop playing to go get her changed and encourage her to get all of her tinkles in the potty. BUT, I don't ever do this without baby on my hip so why would I stop now. All 3 of us head to the potty. A3 is crying because she needs "help" while A4 is aggressively trying to play in the toilet that another A forgot to flush. I hear, MOOOOOOOOMMMMM, this dress won't go on my puppy! Yes, I'll help you when I'm done helping your sisters.

We get back to the playroom and I'm attempting to put a barbie dress on a beanie baby. I smell something. Hard to miss because she is climbing all over me. I get back up and truck it to A4's room to change that lovely dipe. She decides this morning that she wants to leave it on and rolls ALL OVER THE FREAKING PLACE while screaming. Pardon me daughter while I remove the poop from your butt! A little "old mc donald" gets her still. I can't just chunk this diaper in the trash (or leave it in her room until I go back in later) because it's cloth. I must take care of it now. So I head to the laundry room to clean off this diaper, with a baby on my hip. She likes to "help".

So, 20 minutes have passed since I was going to play with my kids. Before I even make it out of the laundry room A2 comes out and says that A3 is taking things from her and will I please come play. Trying to "spend time with my kids" I go back to sit and play again. A1 asks when breakfast is because she's getting kind of hungry. Makes sense, they've been up for 2 hours. Nope, no breakfast, we're playing! A3 hops up and says she has to go potty. GREAT! Go! She gets to the bathroom and says she needs help because it's too dark. I tell her to turn the light on. She starts crying and says she can't and she needs help and she has to go real bad. I get up and run quickly. Baby is now crying and following me. On my hip she goes.

I give up on playing, and with a guilt filled heart go to the kitchen to make breakfast. I put A4 on the floor. She hang on my pant leg and cries while I mix biscuit dough and crack eggs. She then gets between me and the counter and pushes me away. So, my arsenal for the morning? A giant cup of cheerios. She eats a few. I finish the dough and pop them in the oven just about the time she spills a few cheerios. Clean-up clean-up I say in my sweet encouraging voice. She realizes that pouring out the entire cup would be cool. So, she proceeds to do that.

A3 comes in, "Mommy, will you PLEASE come play with me!". A1 pops in a says, "Mom, I'm soooo hungry". A2 walks in crying and says nothing. After many attempts to find out what's wrong with my sweet 4 year old, she finally says "I don't know why I'm crying". I give her a hug and contemplate snuggling with her on the couch to help her emotional stress and let her know I'm always there for her. Because.... when shes 16 and she's dealing with some adult issues I want her to be able to open up to me. It all starts now folks!

I'm quickly reminded why sitting on the couch with my crying 4 year old isn't a good idea. My skillet is smoking, the biscuit timer is going off, A3 is pulling out granola bars, A4 is flailing because she sees the granola bars and wants one, and A1 is frustrated because she wants me to re-do her ponytail. Kiss kiss, it'll be okay sweetie.

At this point I'm not quite certain if the tears that are about to fall down my face will salt the eggs enough.

I wrote this several days ago. I can still feel the frustration and the guilt from that morning. It happened again 5 days ago. Same story, different chapter.

Why oh why is there an overbearing need to follow the encouragement of moms that have been there? They know what they're talking about I'm sure! But, I want to hear from a mom who IS there! I noticed about 2 years ago that I couldn't find a blog from a mom with 3 kids under 4. I was the only one of my close friends who was in this life stage at the time. I had a close mom friend who had been there and she was fantastic encouragement. But, it wasn't the same.

Then I realized why I couldn't find a blog from a mom in the same life stage as me. WHO THE HECK HAS TIME TO WRITE A BLOG?!

Meet the Flock

The first animal we owned when we moved here were 5 Buff Orpington hens. 1 got mauled by a dog down the street before we moved in. 1 got mauled by our very own dog. (In his defense, he was in training and didn't know any better). She did survive the "play time" but was paralyzed, so we had to put her down.

We learned more about chickens in the first 2 months than we've learned about chickens our entire lives, combined! They're awesome. We've had many die. Want to know why? Read my post The Reality of Farm Chickens. But, the ones that are going strong now are definitely fun to have around. They each have their own personalities, and there are definitely cliques in our flock. One day Mr. Smash and I will do a fantastic youtube video with voice overs starring our chickens, but for now here is our flock (most of them).

Sunshine.
Old English Bantam.
We bought him thinking he was going to be full size. We were told wrong and paid way too much money for him. He thinks he's huge. He attempts to mount our full size hens and they fight him. I don't blame them. His poor excuse for a crow is not attractive.
The guy has his own set of Bantam hens we bought specifically for him. I guess he's just a bit picky. He prefers the big girls.

The red hens.
That is their name. We have 4 of them that look exactly alike. They are a mix of brahma/wyandotte/jersey giant. They hang out together most of the time. There is 1 that tends to flock towards our head rooster, Blaze. But they kind of keep to themselves.

 Lilly.
Easter Egger
Poor Lilly. She has been through a lot. She was in the batch we bought with Blaze so they naturally "hang out". But she's like a sister to him so there's no hanky panky. She had a growth on her eye that we constantly watched. One day her eye was bubbly and she was very lethargic. She went to ICU. She got a little pep in her step but her eye still looked horrible. A few weeks after the antibiotic A1 noticed a white thing in her eye. We attempted to wipe it away assuming it was puss. She didn't like us messing with it so we left it. It's gone now and the growth is smaller. She's super sweet and mainly hangs in the barn.

Whitey
Brahma X
The A's named her because of obvious reasons.She hangs with Anna (a BrahmaX) and is like her little shadow. BFF!

The Girl Thunder
Barred Rock X
Again, the A's named her. She doesn't like roosting in the coop. So, every night we have to pry her claws from around a post immediately outside of the coop. Maybe she wasn't accepted in the flock at the time. She's proven herself worthy of a roosting spot. She likes to hang with Bardy.

 Larry
Guinea Fowl
The captain of team Ugly! He's our lone guinea and desperately needs a lady friend. He's a big bully to everyone but his buddy Bardy. They have a weird bromance thing going that I can't even explain. He chases everyone out of his 3 foot circle. He's a fantastic flyer with beautiful white feathers under his wings. He doesn't make that much noise because he was raised with chickens. I don't think he really knows that he's a guinea.

 The Pretty Black and White ones
Brahma X
Her and her friend look pretty much alike. The difference? One now hangs out with Butter and one hangs out with Blaze. I guess sisters don't always have the same taste in boys.

 Ruby
Barred Rock/Jersey Giant
What an in your face sweet heart! Ruby will perch right next to you and just hang out. She does think amber necklaces are food, so watch out crunchy mamas! A4 has gotten several pecks from Miss Ruby. She likes Bardy. Maybe it's because they have so much in common. Ruby is a big girl and she's going to get a lot bigger.

 Blaze
Easter Egger
Blaze is our head rooster. A natural leader. He has been seen searching for food and calling for his hens to come enjoy his finds. He does well at mounting and is not very aggressive towards the other roosters. He doesn't like to be pet and prefers chickens over people. So, we keep our distance from Blaze. We will be trying out the process of removing spurs when his get big enough.




Maisy
Ameracauna
Maisy was in the batch of 6 chicks we bought right after we moved here. Her 5 brothers were dinner. She is very sweet and soft spoken. She just started laying beautiful blue eggs. And, they're fertilized. This is Blaze's sugar momma. If you see Maisy, Blaze is close by. Those fertilized eggs are going to hatch out some pretty babies one day.

 Lucy
Australorp
We bought Lucy super cheap because she was in the middle of a hard molt. She had no tail feathers at all and looked very sick. But, she wasn't. She got the name Lucy because she "loosed"all her feathers. The goofiest chicken we have. She will walk around the coop just because. She will fly up next to your head and just stare at you and cluck at you. Then get down. She does this when there is food on the ground. I think she has the "chicken version" ADHD. She is a great layer and is well liked by all the roosters... very well liked.

 Fancy
Mutt
Her name says it all. Beautiful colors all over her. She's not very photogenic. She loves to be pet, but on her own terms. She likes Blaze as well, but can occasionally be seen with Butter. No strings attached.

 Butter
Brahma/Barred Rock
This guy came out of nowhere. He was on the list to be culled then all of a sudden got taller, thicker, and started crowing. He has moments of greatness, and in those moments the hens really respect him. But his moments are few and far between and he doesn't have the best timing. Blaze will knock him off a hen in a split second.

 Elsa
Buff Brahma
This is Mr. Smash's hen. She is the friendliest of all our flock. She hangs out with a buff orpington. The only Rooster she ever followed was the late Thunder. The poor girl is in a molt right now. But when she's not, she's beautiful. Her top feathers are very white and full. She's a very faithful layer.

 One of the Buffs
We have 3 of these Buff Orpingtons. They are great layers and great mommas! 2 of them have hatched chicks out for us. We've learned something about these hens. They become a lot nicer once they have babies. These girls are a favorite among all the roosters.

Bertha
Australorp
This picture doesn't do Big Bertha justice. She is big! She's got that swinging skin on her breast that makes her even more "bertha-y". She's not very friendly, and she's not a very good layer (end of a molt). BUT, the roosters love her.

 Bardy
Barred RockX
The best picture I could get of this big guy. He's big. Really. He doesn't pose for pictures very well so I caught him at bedtime in between hens. He has a strong crow for how young he is. He isn't very efficient at mounting hens but he gets an A for effort! Such a sweetie. Will let you pet him for a little while and then goes on his way. Mostly to walk around with Larry or something. He is getting quite the assortment of female groupies though.




There you have it. A basic introduction of our chickens. A few that were missing; there are 4 hens that run in the same general direction. 1 can be seen with Blaze some. They are Jersey Giants. They all are black. They are named "one of the black chickens). We have 5 young roosters that will be dinner in a few months. And of course we have our ducks. Chickens are a fantastic dual purpose animal to have. And here the chickens aren't primarily pets, they have a purpose. If you don't lay an egg or protect the ones that do, winner winner!

Change, Milk Cows, and some Tears

It was an extremely traumatic day for our 3 babies. Cows, I mean. There's more "why" to the story, and if you'll read to the end I will answer that question. Honey, Cassie and Bella (our jersey/holstein and pure holsteins) had their first trailer ride. A good friend of ours brought his 20ft cattle trailer over to help us load. We put the leads on them and his words were "they're some gentle cows. Way easier to load than any cows I've had." Made us feel good.  We've spent a lot of time with them.

We traveled to a vet that I had used once before for a wormy goat. We backed the trailer up to the chute. It was a giant maze that sent them right to a head stall. In they go. They pretty much can't move. It's important that they're immobile during a vet check. The are huge animals. Safety first. Doc did a cervical check, also called palpating. He checked all of their girly parts to make sure they're not only ready to breed but CAN breed. Normally a vet would do this to check for pregnancy, but this was the best thing we could do

because...

Not all heifers are fertile, and we have no birth information on these cows. When boy/girl twin calves are born, the hormones and reproductive tract growth of the female is disrupted. This is called freemartinism, and the poor baby girl bovine can't have babies. Here is where you can learn more. So sadly, a heifer born sterile can only be sent to the freezer once she is grown. Unless you'd like to spend a substantial amount of money on hay to feed her and keep her as a pet, of course. But, doc said they checked out great! There is a blood test that we could've sent for, but we decided to take our chances with the free-martin traits that are present the majority of the time.

While we were there we decided to dehorn them. This was probably the worst part of this visit. Now, before you get all PETA on me, listen. I will say that we should've done this when they were younger. When we got them we had the thought that we wanted them to keep their horns so they can protect themselves against predators, i.e. mountain lions and bobcats that run this area.
We also didn't want to mess with God's divine design. <- I still struggle with this though.

Honey with horns

But, we have now learned that dairy cattle especially can seriously hurt each other with their horns. Even if they're just playing with one another, there can be a huge vet bill to fix a cow that has been gauged by another cow. Reading that, do you know what's coming next? Yup, hard and sharp horns behind a 1,000 lb animal can KILL a person! Our cows are very gentle and tame. VERY! But they are animals, and if those horns go through one of my human babies I will wish I had gotten those horns cut off. These 3 sweeties will nudge me for 30 minutes to tell me they want attention. Sometimes it gets a bit too much, and I'm an adult and they're only 500lbs.We needed to get this done.

Snotty Honey with horns

This process of dehoring was rough. Doc used a "hedgeclipper" type tool. He shaved the hair around their horns and popped those suckers right off. There are nerve endings in their horns, so it bled. A lot. A2 and A3 couldn't handle watching so they went back to the car. A1 was okay. She understood why it had to be done. After we got back to the house we put cotton balls in the holes where the horns used to be. We sprayed some rubber underlining on top. There needed to be a way to cover them while they grew back. If water or any kind of junk found it's way in there we could have an infection on our hands. Once the area has healed we'll take the cotton balls off or they'll fall off on their own. This was not just an idea we came up with. The guy who helped us has been running cattle for 30 years, we'll take his advice.

Taking these horns off didn't feel good to them. They're sore and a little bitter towards us. Hopefully once they heal up they'll forget about the pain. Much like childbirth. Honey's horns gave her so much character, so I do miss them. I have to keep reminding myself that our safety comes first. Why is that so difficult?

Honey No Horns

So, it was a very long day for Honey, Cassie, and Bella. The changes? Other than the obvious? Well, Cassie and Bella are in the market for a new home. I love them dearly, but we don't need them. Cows eat a lot and we aren't going to keep ones we don't NEED. Holsteins don't have enough butter fat in their milk to make the quality butter, cheese, and creamed "stuff" that we want. Honey, being 1/2 Jersey has a better chance. Holsteins also give extremely more milk than other dairy breeds. This is why Holsteins are the primary milk cow for dairy companies. We don't need that much milk. We could use them as nurse cows for beef calves, but we don't need that many cows at one time. Plus, we don't want to/can't feed that many cows at one time.

When Mr. Smash and I made the decision to list them for sale, I cried. No lie. Cried. I bottle fed those 2. (FYI, that's why we won't "just" butcher them). But, that's best for our farmstead. Once we sell them we will be looking for a cow currently in milk or due to calve in the spring.

As for Honey, we have sent off to do some genetic testing on her. We have done much research and have decided to proactively try to get milk for our family from a cow who carries the A2 beta casein protein gene. WHAT THE WHAT???? I could write all about it, but I'm not. If you are interested on what A2 is click here.<--- This link will take you to a fantastic website that explains all about it. And, FYI, the few dairies I've talked to around my area have no clue if their cows have the A2 gene. Check your farm!

So anyway, we will make decisions on Honey when we get the results back. But even then, Honey won't be due to calve til 2016, so waiting for her to freshen (have a baby and give milk) isn't something we want to do. Bring on the milk cow!

There's so much more information out there that we have found and are continuing to find. But, for my city friends who've been asking, that's what's up. That's the change. It's a big thing for us. All of it. I will update when I know.

The Smash Systems (per request)

I've had some friends and family ask how I do certain things. They want to know our system. We are still experimenting and searching out ways to manage our home in certain areas, but a few things we've got working well at the moment. So, I share with you, The Smash Systems.

1. Mrs Smash's Start to the Day: I wake up at 5am. After I start the coffee pot, I make Mr. Smash's lunch. He is my 1st priority in this household, so I take care of him 1st. I do make his lunch every day. What makes it worth it? He thanks me EVERY DAY!
After that I'll have my quiet time, blog time, pay bills time, or cook something time. Then I'll make a breakfast for Mr. Smash and help him out the door. He thanks me!

2. Indoor Chores: Here are the main ones I require from my A's. I'm at the point where I don't unload the dishwasher anymore. My A's do it. A1 loads all glass and silverware back into the dishwasher as well. A1 and A2 put away clean clothes and they clean the bathroom. This has all taken my help and supervision several times. They don't do it perfectly every time. I will rearrange the dishes in the dishwasher without A1 knowing because it takes practice to get them all in there; however, I'll give her tips some days.
If they do the bathroom every week it gets clean enough. I don't require perfection from that either.
Laundry, well, I've been known to push back bedtime so they can redo the clothes they decided to throw them all on the closet floor or push them under the bed. I've only had to do that twice.

Do they complain? Yep. I tell them that we have to do dishes because we are blessed with food to put on them. We have to clean the bathroom because it smells. You don't want to put away your clothes? Okay, I'll put them in the donation box. That always puts some pep in their step. Chores must be done before bed. If it's not done by meal time then they come eat with the family (it's family time) and, instead of going to play, they go finish their chore.

3. "That's Not Fair": Here in the Smash home we have Princess of the Day. The 3 bigger A's rotate days of being the princess. The princess gets choice of show during t.v. times. She gets 1st dibs at a toy or outfit. She also gets to sit by the faucet during baths, open the chicken coop and other things like that. This alleviates a lot of arguments because they know.

The Princess of the Day also gets to help with dinner. <--This has been fantastic! We do a TON of baking and cooking.  When you have 3 that want to help and a baby on your hip, it is sometimes a bit too chaotic for sharp knives and stove burners. So, the princess of the day gets to help with dinner. The only catch is that it's NOT a choice. So, if you're playing outside you must come in and help. It's perfect because I can actually focus a bit more on the teaching part, AND it's one on one time.

4. Farm Chores: Everyone but A4 goes out in the morning. I will delegate some tasks, but most of the time they end up playing with a chicken while I muck stalls. It's fine. They do learn. A1 could actually go out and take care of the feathers and paws by herself because she's watched me and been with me most of the time. They do get a pass every Sunday and when it's raining. And sometimes when I don't feel like having help :)

5. Me Time: I am a morning person. I get up early and have time to myself. The rest of the day is a toss-up.I always give A1 a choice during the week. She naps with her sisters or she does school work. I WILL NOT take away the option of a nap from a kid whose tired. Not worth it for anyone. So, those days they all nap at the same time, I get a lot done! No, I do not nap. I have before, but 95% of the time I work. Clean house, projects, blog, bills, prep dinner are to name a few. If I nap I'll need coffee and me time when I wake up. It's like starting my day over. It sucks.

When I only had 1 kid I believed that I needed to nap when she napped. Same with #2. Then I figured out that didn't work for me. I also figured out that "me-time" would be few and far between and that's just how it is. I accepted it. I do know when I need it, so I do make it work; but I don't try to fit in a weekly MNO or pedicure. That's just not how I work. This is another post.

So, there you have it. Those are the things I get asked about most.All farm related stuff will be in another post because it's in a category of it's own. But for now.