Toddler Instruction Manual?

I've had my "bad mommy" moments in the almost 7 years I've been mommying. But, I have to say, I've got it nailed! Especially this toddler thing. They are a breeze really. My toddler, who we refer to as A4, is the cutest little thing. She listens and obeys every word I say. She never cries or throws tantrums. She ALWAYS tells me she's done with her food and would NEVER dream about throwing her plate onto the floor. I'm telling you, I've raised this kid RIGHT!!

For instance, we were outside this afternoon enjoying the beautiful autumn weather and I told A4 to go pet the goats. Without skipping a beat she goes to pet the goats. I turn around for a moment, and wouldn't you know she is going above and beyond and shaking petting a chicken. What a sweetheart! Then I gently take her over to the barn where she can learn how to properly fill a chicken waterer. She decides she would like to help me turn the compost. That's right, I look up and she has ever so quietly walked over to the compost pile and begins turning it... with her feet... and her hands. A great helper!

I proceed to tell her thank you in my meek and gentle voice and rinse her hands. I send her on her way to continue "helping" mommy. I've created clear boundaries for my children in the pasture (a.k.a gates they can't open), so I'm confident in A4 being in a certain area. When I turn around from listening to A1 tell me a story about the length of a short novel, I discover A4 investigating bovine droppings for worms. It's a good thing I decided not to trim her fingernails the last 3 weeks. They aloud her to really dig through good.

After all the afternoon chores were through I decided it was time to go in and wash hands (because that's good hygeine). I also let A4 eat the cheerios that spilled on the floor from this morning.

Mommy. Of. The. Year.